Adjusting...

We've officially been a family of 5 for 3 weeks now. It seems like forever. We are adjusting. We are surviving. Some days are really fun and wonderful, and I look around at all of my babies and cannot believe that this is my life. It's exactly what I've always wanted, and I feel so humbled and blessed to be living my dream. But then there are hard days. Days when I feel like I can't give any of the children enough time/attention/love because I'm being pulled in 3 different directions constantly. There are days when I wonder if I'll ever feel like we have a routine that doesn't involve me holding Alaina all day and letting Aubrey and Jude watch more TV than I would like. I remind myself that we are only 3 weeks in, and life WILL settle down at some point. It always does after a new baby.

Everyone asks if the transition from 1 to 2 kids is the hardest, or is it 2 to 3? Or maybe things don't get really hard until you hit 4. It's my opinion that transitions are just hard, period. For me, personally, going from no kids to 1 child was the hardest transition so far, but I know that's different for everyone. Having 3 kids seems hard to me right now because it's the most kids I've ever had. Just like having 2 was hard at first. But I adapted to 2, and I know I will adapt to 3 also.The nice thing about having 2 children was that I have 2 hands. There was a hand for each child. You can easily (well, maybe not easily, but possibly) carry 2 kids at the same time. You can hold 2 little hands. You can have 2 children sit in your lap and read them a book. Each parent can put a child to bed. When you're in a store, one child can ride in the front of the buggy and one can ride in the back. None of that is the case anymore, and I'm still figuring out how to balance everyone's needs. I don't feel the same amount of freedom that I did when it was just Aubrey and Jude to spontaneously decide that we need to get out of the house and go do something fun. Part of that is just having an unpredictable newborn. But part of it is the amount of kids... can you even imagine taking 3 kids out to lunch by yourself? If you have more than 3 kids you probably can, but right now I cannot. Or even going to the park -- how in the world would I watch 2 mobile children while holding a baby? I remember after Jude was born and we got our double stroller, I felt such a sense of freedom. I could leave my house again! There were endless possibilities with that double stroller! Well, that's all changed now. Granted, Aubrey is old enough to walk and stay close to me without being in a stroller. But the thought of taking all of the kids somewhere is intimidating. And that's hard for someone who likes to be on the go. I think the hardest part of having a new baby is just feeling isolated. But then I remind myself that this is a season. A short, sweet season that will be gone in the blink of an eye. And as cliche as it sounds, I know I'll miss it.Thankfully, Aubrey and Jude have adjusted well. We've really been blessed that our kids haven't ever had any major jealousy issues towards their siblings. Of course, there are times when Jude wants my attention when I'm feeding Alaina, and that doesn't sit well. But for the most part, he loves "Baby" and gives her more kisses than I can count everyday. Aubrey is just a little Mama. She is obsessed with Alaina and loves to point her out to everyone we see and show her off. She touches her every chance she gets and wants to go see her first thing every morning. I love that children are so adaptable, and big transitions seem to be harder on me than they are on the kids!I really am doing well with the transition, though, even though it has come with challenges. I've had the easiest time emotionally adjusting to a new baby this time. I never really had any baby blues this time around, which was a huge blessing. I did pray about that before Alaina was born, and God was so gracious. I love Alaina immensely already, and I'm SO happy that she's part of our family. There is no way I would ever want to go back to life before Alaina, even though it was "easier." I love that I can be in the middle of a really hard, frustrating day (or night) and all I want is for life to feel normal, but the thought of returning to our "old normal" before the baby is unthinkable. Alaina is absolutely meant to be a part of our family, and we will grow and adapt.I consider Motherhood such a high calling, and I'm so thankful to be able to do this everyday. It definitely is not always fun, but that's not the point. David are I were discussing that a while back in regards to our next child (yes, we're already talking and praying about our next child.... but more on that later ;). Having a lot of [very young] children is hard. It can be monotonous. But I'm not put on this earth to have a fun or even an easy life. I believe I'm put on this earth to glorify God and serve Him. Right now, I feel like I'm called to do that at home with my children. And I can bring God glory by how I respond to the hard days. The fits. The sleepless nights. The lack of routine and normalcy in my life right now. I fail to remain patient and loving so often. But thankfully, there is forgiveness and grace. And hopefully through this Motherhood thing, I'm learning to die to myself. I'm learning to love sacrificially. I'm learning to be more like Christ. And that makes being home-bound and frazzled pale in comparison :)