Since we're now a good ways into this little family of five gig, I thought it was time for a blog post about how the transition from two kids to three has been and how our life is as a family of five. I'm always so interested to hear how families make it work who have more kids than we do, so I can only assume others feel the same way :) Also, I totally realize that everyone's experiences are different. I had SO many people tell me that the transition from two kids to three was the hardest. So many, in fact, that I was really pretty nervous about how it would all go down.
When Alaina was born, Aubrey was 3 1/2 and Jude was 20 months. Everyone was quick to remind me that I was going to have my hands full. And they were right; I do. But having three kids just really hasn't been that hard. There, I said it. And now I'm kind of nervous that all heck is going to break loose and Alaina will never sleep another full night until she's 18. Haha! No, but seriously, when I said having three hadn't really been that hard, what I probably should have said was that it hasn't been that much harder. Because parenting is hard. I think we all know that, but I just wanted to clear that up. We definitely have some LONG, HARD days. Days where I want to cry because I'm so overwhelmed. And if I'm being honest, every day has some hard moments, even if it's not what I would call a "hard day." But that was the case when I had one baby, two babies, and now three. I don't think that depends on the number of kids you have.
With that said, there are some things that go along with having three that are a little bit more tricky than when we just had two. For one, David and I are outnumbered. We can no longer each take a child and divide and conquer. When it was just Aubrey and Jude, David used to put one to bed, and I would put the other to bed. It doesn't work like that anymore. But we've adapted. Now David puts both of the "big kids" to bed while I nurse Lainey and get her to sleep. And our new routine is even better than the old one. I enjoy my sweet quiet time with my baby, and David gets special time with Aubrey and Jude every night before bed. I think they all enjoy that time. I have lots of sweet time with all of the kids throughout the day, so I'm glad that David gets that time with them before bed every night. Another thing that is more difficult is shopping. When there were just two, the double stroller was always an option, or if we went somewhere with a cart, one child could ride in the front and the other rode in the back. That doesn't work anymore. However, now that Aubrey is older, she likes to walk when we go to stores, and she's great about staying close beside me. So, the two little kids can still ride in the stroller or buggy. My point is, things change when you add to your family, but you adapt. I was just thinking today that I might actually be brave enough to take all three of them to a restaurant by myself soon. Maybe. ;)
One thing that has been such a joy is watching Aubrey really grow into her role as a big sister. Y'all, there is a huge difference between having two kids under two and having three kids under four. Huge. I actually think it was much easier to have newborn Alaina than it was to have newborn Jude because Aubrey was such a big help in occupying Jude when I was nursing or tending to Alaina as a newborn. When Jude was a newborn and Aubrey was 22 months old, I often felt guilty when I was nursing him or trying to get him to sleep and having to shush her. She basically just had to entertain herself a good bit. Of course, we got by and she clearly wasn't scarred for life or anything... ;) But when I was nursing or trying to get newborn Alaina to sleep, Aubrey and Jude had each other to play with and it was just an entirely different experience. If Jude would wander out of the room while I was in the middle of a nursing session, Aubrey would (and still does) follow him and give me play by plays about what he was doing. That is just such a big help. So, if you had two kids really close together and you were totally overwhelmed and don't think you can imagine going there again, just know that it's a lot different when your first born is older. It's been so much fun to watch Aubrey grow into my little helper. She's my girl :)
So, I guess the point of all of this is to just be an encouragement. I know everyone has an opinion on which transition is the hardest, and it's fun to hear different people's opinions and experiences. But that's all they are. Opinions and personal experiences. It's not like it's guaranteed that if you have three kids, life will be crazy and awful and you'll want to run away. We're still moving forward with our plans for Baby #4, so it must not be too bad ;) I just know that children are SUCH a blessing, and if you're even thinking about whether you should add to your family, my opinion is that the joys of having a "large" family (which, I don't even think we have a large family at this point) will outweigh the hard days. I don't know why I felt compelled to say that, but there it is. ;) (Also, I realize not everyone is called to have a lot of kids. I'm just saying that if you're on the fence and scared to take the leap because you've heard horror stories about how hard it will be, that's not always the case.) I'm so thankful for my sweet family, and I'm incredibly thankful that the Lord gives me grace to get through each day with them. Without Him, I would be overwhelmed, stressed, and probably want to run away ;)
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5 comments:
I love this post!! :)
I think you could make 10 look manageable, even though you keep it real too which I love. Transitioning to two had it's own unique challenges, and a lot of it related to still caring for Avery. I still have moments where my heart feels so pulled, but I know both benefit immensely from each other. Do you think you'll have another baby after you adopt? I don't want to be too personal, but I'd like to hear what someone else who has gone through BP issues thinks.
I loved this post, Carrie. I think people "on the fence" (and those like us, who know we aren't finished, but are still nervous about it!) will be really encouraged by your words.
As you WELL know, our story was a little different. Certainly I had hard days with AP, but it was pretty much always just because of my anxiety stuff. I would never have said every day had hard moments. That all changed when Baby Graves joined us, as I kind of knew it would. All that to say, it's nice to know that, though it'll still be hard, it might not be much harderER. And even if it is, like you said, the joy will outweigh the hard.
I love this post, too....especially as someone who has been on the fence for a while about a third baby!! Glad to know it hasn't been that much harder for you! I love posts like this!
Whitney, that's a hard question to answer! It's not too personal at all, though. I have no idea at this point if we'll have more biological children or not. After Alaina was born, I felt a peace about the possibility of her being our last biological child, but now I've kind of started to feel like she might not be our last. I am a little nervous about the BP issues, and I'm not excited about the possibility of bed rest again, but I know it would be worth it in the end, and my doctor didn't advise against having more kids. So, at this point, I would say we're open to anything. More biological children, multiple adoptions... we're just going to take it one child at a time and see where the Lord leads us! :)
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