Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Bed Rest is for the Birds

So, I know I'm about to sound like the biggest complainer on the face of the earth, but I'm just so over this bed rest thing. Yes, it's been approximately 2 days unless you're counting Sunday and Monday when I attempted to take it easy (which I totally am). I just feel like I'm not getting any good time with Aubrey and Jude, and I hate having to have babysitters 24/7. I know how ungrateful that sounds, but it's just the way I'm feeling tonight. David took the kids to church tonight, and it really stunk to just sit at home by myself all night. And the worst part is that it will be like this indefinitely. It's not like I'll be able to go back to my normal life next week. It's stressful when the kids get grumpy at night and I can't do anything to help and David just has to deal with it by himself. So in a way, it's nice when David is able to take the kids somewhere like church where I know they'll have fun and he'll have help with them. But then I'm left just sitting here by myself. It's ironic that on normal days, the thought of having quiet, alone time is so appealing, but then when I actually get it, I'm bored and lonely.

I just want to be able to get everything ready for the new baby. I want to clean my house myself. I want to pick out clothes to take to the hospital for Alaina myself. I want to be able to cook our meals and just do normal things. Sarah Denley and I were talking about bed rest the other day (she has some experience and probably dealt with it a lot more gracefully than I am), and she said she thought bed rest at the end of a pregnancy is so hard because you have a God given urge to nest and get everything prepared. And when you're on bed rest, you just have to kind of ignore that. That's so true.

The weirdest part is that I feel hormonal almost like I do after having a baby, and I just want to cry at the drop of a hat. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe I'll get all of the weird "life will never be the same again" feelings out before she's here, and things will start to actually feel normal after she's born.

I know how this post sounds. This is the kind of post I would read and think to myself, "That girl needs to get over herself and just be thankful that her baby is healthy." I KNOW that's true. I hate it when you know you've got a bad attitude, but you kind of just want to wallow in it. Writing it all out has helped though, and I'm actually feeling better already. I want to use this time to focus on the Lord and how much I'm blessed. I want to chose to be thankful even when I'm just wanting to pull my hair out. I AM thankful. Even when I don't feel cheerful and excited to spend the day on the couch, I am thankful. My children will survive. Our household isn't going to fall apart just because I can't contribute much to it right now. God is still on the throne, and He's still GOOD. Bed rest is a VERY small thing compared to what some people are dealing with. When I think about that, I feel really guilty for everything I wrote above. Thanks for letting me have my little vent session. I'm done now, and I'm praying for a better attitude from here on out.

1 comment:

Whitney said...

I had a weekend a few weeks ago where I felt like I was crying the whole time! Things are much better now that I know if it goes back up they'll just deliver instead if keeping me. For me, I'm lonely when no one is home, but it's more stressful when they are home! Hang in there!