Monday, September 12, 2011

Letter to my Three Year Old Little Girl

Dear Aubrey,

Three years ago today, at 9:58am, I met you for the first time. For nine months, I had carried you inside of me and bonded with you and delighted in every little kick and punch. I loved you before you were born. But nothing could have prepared me for the moment I first saw your face. That was such an incredibly beautiful moment in my life, and one that I will never forget. You literally took my breath away the first time I saw you. I remember being overcome with how exquisitely beautiful you were as I reached out to touch your tiny little hand. I marveled at how you were so perfectly tiny and completely mine. At that moment, my love for you grew immensely, and I loved you with a mother's love. As my first born child, you made me a mother. There was a major learning curve, but we learned together. The first few weeks of your life were so sweet but also stressful. I worried about you constantly. I had no clue how to feed you, soothe you, or make you happy. A lot of the time, I just felt like I was in over my head and completely overwhelmed. But through the stress, the sleepless nights, and the constant feedings, my love for you never wavered. Part of the reason I stressed so much was because I was overwhelmed with love for you and wanted to give you my absolute best. I would look at you and just cry happy tears. Slowly, we figured things out, and we fell into a wonderful little routine. Your Daddy and I celebrated every milestone you reached, and we thought (and still think!) that you were the smartest, cutest, and most amazing little girl on this earth. When your first birthday rolled around, I remember feeling so many emotions and so much joy over the fact that our lives had been blessed with you! The fact that the Lord chose to give you to us absolutely humbled me and left me speechless. I still feel that way when I look at you. For 22 months, it was just the three of us, and I cherish those memories. There is just something so incredibly special about your first child and the one-on-one time that you get with that child. As wonderful as those days with just the three of us were, there were even sweeter days in store. At 22 months old, you became a big sister, and it's been a joy to watch you embrace that role. You love your little brother so much, and you are a precious big sister. I thought I might feel a little sad over the fact that the days with just you were over, but seeing the love between you and your brother is one of the most beautiful, special things I've ever seen. It's a privilege to watch the relationship between you and Jude grow every day. In about 6 months, you will become a big sister again, Lord willing. I have no doubt that you will be every bit as wonderful to your new brother or sister as you are to Jude. I pray that you will always be a role model to your brothers and sisters, and remember that they will look up to you. When you turned two, I marveled at the fact that our baby girl had turned into such an independent, headstrong, opinionated, sweet, funny, happy, bright toddler. Your personality had really bloomed, and believe me, you have a BIG personality! We prepared ourselves for the "terrible two's", but really, there was nothing terrible about them. Yes, there were fits and temper tantrums, and there were plenty of days where I felt exhausted and frustrated and like I had no clue how to actually PARENT you. But God's grace is sufficient, and when I look back to your second year, it's not the temper tantrums or the fits I will remember. It's the kisses and the giggles and the "I love you's." Now that you are three years old, you are more full of life and personality than ever. Sometimes you are loud and silly and the center of attention. Other times, you're more quiet and shy and reserved. I love every facet of your personality, and I can't wait to see how it develops and changes over the next year. Being your mother has been the most fulfilling thing I've ever done. I have no doubt that this is what I've been called to do. The fact that I get to spend my days at home with you and Jude is one of my biggest blessings. I have learned so much about being a mother over the past three years, but I've also learned so much about God's love for His children. I think a parent's love for their child is the best picture we have on this earth of God's love for us. I will never love you perfectly. As much as I love you, I will only be able to love you with a human love, and because of that, it will always be flawed and tainted with sin. God loves us with a perfect, unconditional love, and it amazes me to think that He loves you even more than I do. I want more than anything to point you to Christ and help you realize your need for Him. Sadly, I don't do this perfectly. There are times that I fail to set a good example for you and Jude, and other times I let opportunities pass that I should have taken to talk to you about Him. Thankfully, in spite of my failings, God's Will will be accomplished in your life. Only He can save you, and your Daddy and I are praying that He calls you to Himself when you are very young. Aubrey, I don't think you'll ever understand how much I love you until you meet your own child for the first time. At that moment, when your heart is stolen and your breath is taken away by your first child, you will finally understand a mother's love. Until then, just take my word on the fact that I love you more than anything. You delight me. Your Daddy and I don't just love you, we enjoy you. We like being around you, and you bring us so much joy. Only God could love you more than we do, and even when we make mistakes in the way we parent you, we always want what's best for you. Thank you for being our sweet, precious daughter.

Happy Birthday, my darling little girl! I love you so very much.

Mommy

7 comments:

Jennfier said...

Beautiful words Carrie... you are an AMAZING mommy and your babies are so blessed to have you!

I so wish we were closer so I could see your sweet little ones in person!

Nathalie said...

Beautiful letter, love the pictures. Happy 3rd birthday Aubrey!!

The Niemeyer Nest said...

Sweet! First children must always have a special place in a mother's heart. Aubrey is just gorgeous and I have loved watching her grow on your blog!

Sarah Denley said...

Such a sweet letter. I cannot believe she's THREE! By the way, we're planning on being at the party except for Peyton, who, of course, has to work. Boo! Maybe for one of your kid's fifteen birthdays he'll be there!

Whitney said...

This is simply beautiful! Happy Birthday to Aubrey. It is a celebration for you all.

Whitney said...

This is simply beautiful! Happy Birthday to Aubrey. It is a celebration for you all.

Amy said...

so beautiful carrie! i am in tears...you expressed so many of the emotions of motherhood just perfectly. your children are so lucky to have you!